Well, ladies and gents, we can stop whining about that Heroes for Hentai cover. Put away your copies of the "Feminine Mystique." All you clueless nerds who would miss your ass shots, pornface, cameltoe, camelfaux and titstitstits are in the clear. "Men are in jeopardy too" (and its variants) can be struck from the Bingo card.
Forget Cover Rage! Forget going over covers in Previews and laughing at them! You were all judging by exactly the same thing as any browser or newbie would, anyway! You're over! It's old! It was outrage for outrage's sake! You are expending energy in a way others disapprove of! You're fat and ugly!

Joe Quesada has brought comics gender peril sleaze equity! We need never mock a book by its cover again! This one mocks itself!



This feminist pinnacle brought to you by Chris's Invincible Super-Blog!

Wait, wait...why does Spidey have no junk? He's as smooth as a Rub-a-Dub Dolly! Spidey is gagged, spread-eagled, got a web-rope around his neck, got Aunt May checking out his ass and some dude looking like he's ready for Spidey to drop a poop on his head!

We take back the first two paragraphs of this post. If Spidey gets tied up and still has no junk, no autoerotic asphyxsiation wood, then cover mocking?-- it's ON.

BECAUSE FEMALE SUPERHEROES DERIVE THEIR POWERS FROM THEIR EXPOSED WOMBS.



Seriously, the exposed midriff is a purely decorative costume element, like the high heel. It serves no functional purpose; in fact it's impractical in combat situations.  It's only all the more obvious when the females are placed beside their more sensibly-clad male colleagues. So why so many midriffs among superheroines? Because it's fashionable in the real world? Because it's sexy? We're not saying that midriffs are inherently bad. But midriffs DO indicate the inherent difference in the way female and male superheroes are treated- even in so-called "wholesome" children's TV shows. What do midriffs say about the character?

The next time you design a superheroine with a naked belly, first ask yourself why.

 For a change, Manstream will let commenters have their say about this cover, instead of bugging out about another nymphet. What do you think? Is it creepy? Inoffensive? Innocent? Nice drawing? Or, to quote Dark Horse, "Kenichi Sonoda's familiar sexy style"?





And as a bonus, here's another:

How would you like a fat, fun book full of sexy girls shooting guns and blowing things up, all while driving hot cars and fighting the mob? And while you're at it, make it a manga!





Here's the Kicker:
* Comes shrink wrapped and carries an 18+ content advisory.

MICHAEL TURNER'S RED SONJA VS. SPIDERMAN



The battle can only end one way:













If Michael Turner, Greg Land, and Frank Cho all leave comics, Manstream will lose eighty percent of its material. Thank you, Turner, Land and Cho, for providing us with a steady stream of painfully amusing pictures. We love you guys. No, really! After all, you only hurt the ones you love.

While other Manstreamers are chillin' with Prozac and a cardboard jug of Boozy Quik, the rest are working tirelessly to beat each other to the punch.
This is Sheena, in her first appearance in her own book. We are in awe of the invisible fastenings of the knife, ankle bracelet, arm bracelet, and smart Michael Jackson single yeti-fur arm cuff. But we digress.



Behold a not-too-rare Fanservice Hat Trick: TITS, ASS, and CROTCH! Manstream wonders why there was even a effort expended making the bottoms like leopard granny panties.
 Manstream does grudingly add points back on for Sheena debuting in her own book looking like she's flying at us in an invisible Love Swing.

HowEVER, Manstream believes if you're going to go for the crucial TAC Hat Trick, to commit to crotch all the way, like so:


Or even so:

It's not accurate, but at least they tried.

C'mon, Marble Comics Devil's Due! You gave us Heroes for Hentai! Can't we also have fly-at-the-face-cameltoe? Why does DC have to lead the way on a girl-friendly book?
You're Devil's Due! No one expects much, so why not aim high?

(Sheena image discovered at ComicsWorthReading.com.)

 Well, isn't that just like a woman.

Earth goddess, X-men Leader, Morlock champion, rebel punk, and master thief......but we all know what really matters.

Fantastic Four  #547
Written by: Dwayne McDuffie
Art by: Paul Pelletier

!

"You can tell Michael Collins that my hair is completely natural."
"This is NOT  a weave!"





Please , let that character be a skrull. I call on the goddess of comics and the saint of fangirls- let that character be a skrull...

PHOTOGRAPHER: MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT/ KHARI EVANS
EXPEDITION: SHANNA THE SHE-DEVIL: SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST #2

In this rare expedition photo, a She-Devil demonstrates typical behavior in its natural habitat. While scavenging for food , she rubs her scent glands (located in her substantial hind quarters) across tree trunks to mark her territory. It's a painful process, judging from her grimace, for the glands must be rubbed raw to release the scent- which is why the She-Devil prefers as little skin covering as possible.
This She-Devil appears to be in an advanced state of heat and is ready to reproduce. Unfortunately, male She-Devils are all but extinct, and she must make do with the more-than-adequate phallic pleasures of her dinosaur's claw and tongue.

MANSTREAM TAKES SOME PROZAC, NICENESS ENSUES


After so much negativity, Manstream thought it might be time to celebrate some of the positive aspects of MANSTREAM COMICS. Fortunately, a few previews have come down the blogosphere pike that provide a glimpse into what a happy, healthy mainstream comics industry would look like.

After DC's mishandling of the whole 'Lesbo Batwoman' character, it was nice to see Marvel tackle the lesbian superhero angle as well. No idea how Quasar's story will turn out, or whether she'll turn out to be just another 'WTF LESBIAN' casualty, but for now we'll just enjoy the sheer cuteness of her coupling with Moondragon:

Annihilation Conquest Prologue




Second up is Michael Turner's latest project, Kiani- a spinoff of his company's flagship book Fathom. Like almost every Michael Turner cover, this book features a scantily clad, well-buit female in scabrous armor. The difference is, this isn't drawn by Michael Turner. As a result, you have plausible anatomy, a powerful female looking out at the audience in a stance that's ready for action.



Contrast this with an actual Michael Turner-drawn cover, and you'll see what we mean:

The unnatural twist in the torso to show off her thong? The come-hither lookin in the face that says 'Check me out big boy' instead of 'I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you dick with me, asshole'? The total reliance on his colorist to improve a rather static  portrait?

And finally....not official art, but wouldn't it be a hoot if it were.





Do you have any suggestions for future MANSTREAM APPROVAL? Found some mainstream pics that warm your cockles? Send them here! Leave them in the comments or send links to manstream (@) gmail.com.
.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?



from
()

and Supergirl # 21

"I get that she’s undercover as an assassin, but peppy teen hooker is not a good look for X-23."

---Comics Should be Good

The Marvel Database doens't list an age for Laura Kinney here, which is probably the one smart move they made regarding this storyline.



I have low self-esteem. I was sexualized at too early an age. It's fun, exciting, and a great way to make non-reportable income. "
--Queer as Folk

"

Okay, so people are aware that Greg Land traces erotic photos for his artwork, right?
http://archives.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2207386
http://remix17.livejournal.com/12070.html
http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/2691220.html#cutid1
http://davidthompson.typepad.com/davidthompson/2007/03/superhero_pornf.html
http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/3526987.html
http://mightygodking.livejournal.com/287553.html
http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/2722106.html#cutid1
http://www.twitchguru.com/2007/04/19/boxing_comics/

IS IT JUST ME, OR...

Does it look like something else was missing in this previous  Greg Land prick- er, pic?
 


GREG LAND STRIKES AGAIN!
 

ah, summer....days of humid heat and sticky sweat....days of queuing under the blazing heat of San Diego or Chicago or Texas as your deodorant glues your armpits to your chest while you wedge into a tiny under-ventilated convention space filled with hundreds of people to whom soap is a distant memory....

But that's not the smell of putrefaction we're talking about.

We're talking decay, baby! (And that's not just  the manstream INDUSTRY!)
Marvel and DC rush to cash in on what may be the season's hottest new scent:

DK-ONE

A supersecret elixir distilled from the pungent , tasteless, and altogether stomach-churning storylines of today:

FETUS DEMONS


ZOMBIES


 METHANE




STENCH OF MEN (IT LEAVES A BAD TASTE , THIS WORLD OF MEN)


....AND THE USUAL CHEESE.
()

AWARD: FRESH MEAT
Winner: Marvel Zombies HC
Publisher: Marvel Entertainment

Obviously not ALL comic women are kept inside refrigerators- although sometimes, maybe they should be.



Or maybe that should be reserved for the editors.

So just to reitterate: Children’s character from book for children (the kid/teen girl-oriented Mary Jane #1) used as sex symbol? Check. Sex symbol met with incredible violence, still portrayed as sexy? Check. Deliberately done to provoke fan reaction? Check.

Edit: Just for those not as well-versed as me in the comics, this is the cover to the fifth printing of the Marvel Zombies HC, released today by Marvel, art by Arthur Suydam. It’s a take on a cover to a children’s series featuring Mary Jane from the Spider-Man books, in high school, at about 15 I think? The original art was by Takeshi Miyazawa and you can find it here.

--Chris Butcher

Return of the Reincarnation of  the Daughter of the Clone of the Retread of the Reinterpretation of the Second Cousin of Dark Phoenix, or:

DEJA-FU TOO!!!! (THE SEQUEL)

Dark Phoenix was the Phoenix Force's fall from grace - a state wherein it became corrupted by power. For its prior history impersonating Jean Grey-Summers, see Phoenix (Phoenix Force).

The Phoenix entity became too strong to control for the merely human aspects it had acquired from Jean, but the other X-Men had no way to know what was happening and little chance of preventing a tragedy....
Professor X ordered the X-Men to subdue Jean so that Plan Omega would not be necessary, and they managed to subdue the Phoenix for a brief time. In this moment of lucidity, Jean took Cyclops to a back alley, where she did unspeakably vile but titillating things to him where she bade him an emotional farewell and turned the Kree weapon on herself.

This pivotal story ends with Uatu the Watcher commenting that "Jean Grey could have lived to become a god, but it was more important to her that she died as a human."

--Wikipedia profile of Dark Phoenix

"This isn't porn to them; it's business as usual. And these aren't one-note characters who were created to play the part of the passive partner in a pornographic fantasy. These are established characters with a history and personality and fan following — characters that people identify with, characters they love. If a fan chooses to play with the characters in this sort of way, that's one thing, but this is canon. It's how the characters' official owners and caretakers view them: as sex objects suitable for little else than being molested by tentacles or doing Peter Parker's laundry."
Layla Lawlor, Sequential Tart




I was going to mock Madame Mirage until I realized that I just don't give a shit.

Like Lawlor says, it's one thing if you take a character I loved as a kid and turn her into some porno doll- then I'll be disturbed.

But this?

It's a brand new character who has no history, no fan investment, no canon, no context.
Please, tell me something interesting about her on the cover. It's the first time we meet, after all. Is she a sharpshooter? An international spy? The love child of  Mata Hari and David Copperfield?

Cuz right now she ain't doing nuthin' but laying out her breasts and ass like Christmas hams.

One in a million, buddy. One in a million.

 

Three days after Manstream graciously accepted the "Daily Raider Pity Fuck" award, a Manstream operative found this in their box.

As the subject of this email infers, we at the Daily Raider would like to
congratulate your LJ group "The Manstream Awards" for making it this
week on our sites "Livejournal Moron of the Week" award!

Why such the dubious honor you ask? Because The Manstream Awards just
comes to prove that geeky feminists with sand in their vagina's and
effeminate comic book nerds, still don't have a sense of humor. Why
are you getting this email? Because its your fucking group and by default
that means that you must have the higher concentration of vaginal sand in
the group.

Anyway, you can read the profile we did on your group over at:

http://www.dailyraider.com/index/id80

Once again, congratulations and we honestly hope that someone in your
group gets laid real soon.

Regards
The Daily Raider staff


The Manstream Society replies:

Dear John,

We already scooped you on your own award. We sincerly wish for you to get laid, too. Maybe some time after remedial grammar.

P.S.: The apostrophe is to indicate a contraction (it's for it is) or posessive (John's mini quofe bone.) It is not to signal that an "s" is on its way. (The possesive "its" does not get an apotrophe.)

 "...asking for and desiring that kind of inclusion into the world of mainstream comics, I have to accept all that comes with that. Heroes are placed into dangerous situations, sometimes heroes get killed, sometimes they get placed into torturous peril and yes, sometimes they get attacked by the Brood. For me to ask for inclusion and then to find exception to the things that come with that inclusion is then in effect me asking for special treatment and exclusion from the process."

Joe Quesada, New Joe Fridays 49

Anticipating this call for equality in tortuous peril, DC Comics gives you Aquaman in "Oh Noes!"



Aquaman looks worried, huh? Clothes all torn, tied up in a totally hot way with his chest thrown out and cock on display, no weapon, and cryin' for Mera (who's dead, 'cause that's EQUAL.) We're sure the editor said, "Aquaman. Giant Squid. Rape. Fisherman's Wife. Hentai. Big Unit. Sexy," and was all shocked and shit when people went, "OMGBBQPRON!" and then said he had no idea what this "prawn" stuff was, even though he had sweet and sour shrimp just last week.

This is totally like that Heroes for Hentai cover, and the editor has no idea why you want to write manpreg fic all of a sudden. So stop whinin', bitches, 'cause this is EQUAL!